Monday, October 26, 2015

24th of June 2009

Today wasn't a bad day.

I hobbled around trying to get stronger for about an hour until I was exhausted, slept for a few and woke up ravenously hungry. Honestly could have eaten a four course meal. Felt like I did after rugby training as a kid. Then I did it all again.

They've got Bill following me around to make sure I don't collapse or fall over. He keeps his distance. We both prefer it that way. I'm in no mood for company or small talk.

When I made it to the end of the cul de sac, I had this knowing, this sense that I'm going to make it. I'll get strong again, get this smashed up leg working right, get back to work, get my life on track, and I'll find her.

Sometimes I swear I can taste her on my lips. Feel her breath against my ear, whispering to me. I must be bonkers. Nobody knows who she is. Nobody's ever seen her, but I know she is real.

It's good to see the water again. To hear the waves and smell the salt air. I stood on the footpath and watched the waves roll into Maloney's Beach, churning up the sand and seaweed, filling the beach with sea foam. I thought of her and how she'd come for me on that wild night when the steel cried out and the sea claimed another body. I remembered how she'd breathed life into my lungs so I could escape the sinking ship and swim to the surface.

I don't want to think about what came next, how the ocean turned into an operating room, and how the life I loved was replaced by this one. There has to be some explanation, and I've got a feeling it lies out there, in the deep, deep blue.

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Nemesis - read the story inspired by the diaries...

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