I dreamed about her last night. I dreamed about her when they gave me morphine this morning. I see her as if I'm looking through a window, as if I could reach out to her and touch her. I see her in our life, the life we had together, only I'm not there.
I see her tears. I feel her heart beating, I want to wrap my arms around her, pull her close and tell her it's going to be alright. But I'm not there, and she's not here. Sometimes I can smell her, as if she's right next to me. Sometimes I feel the movement of the fabric of her clothes as she walks by, with that sway that only a dancer has.
"My wee gypsy girl, you feel so close, and yet worlds away. If I have to lose my mind to find you, that's a price I'm willing to pay. Everything here is like ash in my mouth."
They tell me my progress is amazing. The doctor dropped by to check on me. He told me what they did. How it took three of them to force my thigh bone back into my body and pin it in place. My mind wandered when he started talking about how they cemented bones together, inserted plates and God knows how many pins to make sure it stays.
I paid attention when he said I was milimetres away from severing my sciatic nerve, which would have left me paralyzed.
But, if I'm honest, none of what he says means much to me. I can't remember a thing about what happened. Even with all the broken bones and scars none of what he says sticks.
I'm not supposed to be here, I'm supposed to be there with her - wherever there is.
If I'm crazy then that's fine, but what if I'm not?
--------
Want to know the whole story?
Click here to read Nemesis: From the Diaries of Captain John Duffy
I see her tears. I feel her heart beating, I want to wrap my arms around her, pull her close and tell her it's going to be alright. But I'm not there, and she's not here. Sometimes I can smell her, as if she's right next to me. Sometimes I feel the movement of the fabric of her clothes as she walks by, with that sway that only a dancer has.
"My wee gypsy girl, you feel so close, and yet worlds away. If I have to lose my mind to find you, that's a price I'm willing to pay. Everything here is like ash in my mouth."
They tell me my progress is amazing. The doctor dropped by to check on me. He told me what they did. How it took three of them to force my thigh bone back into my body and pin it in place. My mind wandered when he started talking about how they cemented bones together, inserted plates and God knows how many pins to make sure it stays.
I paid attention when he said I was milimetres away from severing my sciatic nerve, which would have left me paralyzed.
But, if I'm honest, none of what he says means much to me. I can't remember a thing about what happened. Even with all the broken bones and scars none of what he says sticks.
I'm not supposed to be here, I'm supposed to be there with her - wherever there is.
If I'm crazy then that's fine, but what if I'm not?
--------
Want to know the whole story?
Click here to read Nemesis: From the Diaries of Captain John Duffy
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